Jack The Zipper

This did not catch on, apparently. Even though with "no buttons to bust," you would have plenty of leeway for enormous three-martini lunches. And you could pretend you were an Airman, too - the Chevy magically transformed into a fighter plane as you sit in traffic every morning. Like Snoopy pretending to be the Red Baron! Only he didn't have a zippered Airman shirt to dress up in, did he.

It came in "white and smart colors" - I guess white isn't that smart. Plus the steak sauce spills are going to show on white. What is a Smart Color, anyway? Blue, maybe. I don't think they mean orange or purple or red, those are Fun Colors. Brown would be smart though, you can spill all you like on that.

And goodness gracious, don't these folks look happy about it? Maybe he has trouble getting the buttons to come out even. That could be. The zipper has cut twenty minutes off his getting-ready time in the morning.

Big version over here at my Flickr thing; this is from Life, October 16, 1950. The Snoopy image is from What I Have Read Since 1974.

Splish Splash

Prince Charming got his equine pal
A weekend at a spa
White horses get dust-grey and tired
From running near and far,

Rescuing princesses and maids
From dragons and high towers
Is a tough job that will demand
Appallingly long hours.

So on this Mental Health Day,
The White Horse went to a spa
And told Prince C. to catch a train
Or even take the car.

The spa suggested a herbal bath.
The horsie said: I'll try it!
A therapeutic bath sounds fine,
And a little peace and quiet.

But something isn't peaceful here;
The horse thinks: That's the rub -
My only day off from weird dames,
And here's one in my tub!

Spa lady, please remove yourself
From that foamy bath corral
How did you get here, anyway,
You silly tiddly gal?

Spa lady, this is out of line
This bath is not for you
So take your bottle when you go
And the leafy beanstalks, too.

But she cannot interpret neighs
And is too tired to think:
She's tired of giving facials
And she really needs that drink.

Politely ired, and circumspect
The horse tries to ignore
What's going on, and thinks: Next time
I'd better lock the door.

And the motto of the story is: You can lead a horse to bathwater but he can't get a drink.


[Advertisement from Life, November 19, 1971.]

Window Pain

This storm window clearly did not come with any instructions. Rule #1: do not attempt to walk through it.

Because that's one thing you can't protect your family (or anyone) from: being stupid enough to walk through a storm window. A storm window that they are holding in front of them!

Installing in minutes just isn't soon enough for this lady. They should have installed it in the few seconds they had before she came crashing through the front door.

From Popular Mechanics, October 1956.