Message In A Bottle Caddy

If only Freud had seen this ad, he would not have been asking "What do women want?" Why, they want the Kitco Bottle Caddy, that's what. Or so the Kitco people would have you think.

But it is not an ideal gift for anyone. It is not "wonderful to have." Maybe it would be useful to have - if you picked it up at the hardware store some Saturday morning, along with a bag of road salt and a few lug nuts.

If every gift has a message behind it, this one is not 'I love you' or 'I was thinking about giving you a treat.' No, no. It is, in fact 'I know how much you like juggling cold, dripping slipping milk bottles early in the morning, and this way you can cart around twice as many!'

But stop right here! This is not something you should wrap up in gold paper, put a big red bow on, and present to your wife or mother or sister or daughter or female friend, got that?*

I can't believe that this even needs saying, but at the left is the proof that it does: Kitco-dependent gentlemen of the world, women do not in fact love lugging glass bottles of milk. And they do not love you assuming that this is their job.

All that stuff women say about wanting, for example, a first edition of A Christmas Carol, or a new television, or even something that incorporates diamonds and/or platinum - or whatever else one might want... It was just a roundabout way of asking for a "durable hi-impact styrene caddy." Of course.

The Kitco copywriter must have been drinking something all right - and it wasn't milk.

*If you do, by the way, I know what she's going to be getting you next Christmas - I'll be showing that to you tomorrow.

[This is for the worst-Christmas-present carnival over at Humor Bloggers, by the way. I didn't really get one of these, but it does count as one of the worst prsent ideas I've seen.]